


Take Me Back To The Start

by usuallyClueless



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, F/F, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:49:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25808392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usuallyClueless/pseuds/usuallyClueless
Summary: Portals are fun, right?*This is how the world is reborn,This is how you die for her,This is how you protect her,This is how you end the world for her,This is how you end your world for her,This is how you forgive yourself for her,And this is how you live for her.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 131





	Take Me Back To The Start

**Author's Note:**

> So this happened, and I have no excuses. 
> 
> No beta reader so please let me know if you see any typos or grammatical errors!

_This is how the world is reborn._

They keep telling Catra that redemption is not about that one heroic, sacrificial act but rather the choice to do good every day.

So after the Heart, Catra devotes herself to doing good every day. Save a village here, rebuild a village there. Slowly making whole what she broke. _Ignoring all those who broke her._

Every day, she tries to balance out that mythical scale of all the good she is doing now versus all the pain she has inflicted. Every day, she keeps at it. Keeps trying to do good. Keeps ignoring Shadow Weaver’s legacy. Keeps ignoring the voice in her head that tells her the world would have been better off if she had just taken the failsafe in Adora’s place. Keeps doing good so that one day she’ll be able to breathe without the crushing weight of her deeds. Keeps making whole what she broke. Even though somedays it never feels like it will never be enough.

It works for Catra for a while. She is happy, so very extraordinarily happy. She had never dreamed of happiness like this. Couldn’t dream of happiness like this. With pain and cruel words, Shadow Weaver taught Catra how to keep her world so small, only ever allowing the light that Adora brought into her life. Now, she needs a new language to be invented just to scratch the surface of how it feels when Adora’s arms are tightly wrapped around her at night.

_But like all good things, it must come to an end._

In hindsight, Catra should have seen it coming. Maybe if she had seen it coming, she would have been prepared and it wouldn’t break her in all the places she is still fragile. She knows that is a lie. This was always going to break her.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise. Bow and Glimmer share that same indescribable bond that she shares with Adora, and it’s only natural that Bow and Glimmer would want a family. Glimmer’s pregnancy has everyone excited. Even Catra feels a rush at the news. _Motherhood._ Such a basic concept that she has never had the privilege of enjoying, and now, she’ll get to see it play out right in front of her. Glimmer’s joyous news touches places inside of Catra that only Adora has ever reached before.

Catra enjoys that feeling until the dead of night. It’s the one place where Shadow Weaver, Prime, and every other asshole who has made her life hell can still reign supreme. But its not Weaver or Prime reminding Catra of what a failure she is and of the many, many things she has broken. 

It’s Catra. It’s always been her in a way. No choice is ever made in a vacuum, but this one Catra owns because letting the world burn was easier than letting Shadow Weaver win once more.

Glimmer is going to have a child. A child needs a mother, a grandmother. Glimmer needs a mother to lean on for advice on all the things a parent should know, and because of Catra, Glimmer is never going to have a mother again. Never going to have a mother to help prepare the next ruler of Bright Moon. Never have.

Shadow Weaver may have set everything up for Catra to pull the lever through her constant torture and abuse, but at the end of the day, Catra still pulled it. _Pulled it. Destroyed the world. Trapped the Queen there. Catra did it. Catra robbed Glimmer and her future child. Another bad deed on the scale…Perhaps the worst deed laying on it_

The scale is just so heavy for Catra. It’s heavier than it's ever been. Catra may have saved Glimmer and gave her this opportunity at motherhood, but right now, in the dead of the night, none of that matters. The weight of doing good every day is never going to balance this out. Catra made Glimmer join the club that she, Adora, and every other kid in the Horde had to be in. The dead mother club. No better than Shadow Weaver.

As the night ticks on, thoughts of what Catra deserves and doesn’t deserve are all that she can hear. Her senses make her so aware of the world around her, but the regret she feels overwhelms her to the point she doesn’t notice Melog until they have brushed beside her in attempt to comfort. She doesn’t push them away because she wants to emotionally retreat like she always used to do. She pushes them way because she needs to feel every bit of this. To fix this, she first has to feel it. Every agonizing second of it. There is no more running away and hiding in the comfort of Adora’s arms. 

Catra no longer wants to be a part of Shadow Weaver’s legacy anymore. 

*

“You want me to make another portal to save Queen Angella. Hmmmmm… based on our previous experiences with portals, the one where we nearly destroyed Etheria, trapped the Queen of Bright Moon, summoned Horde Prime, and nearly brought about the destruction of the entire known universe, the data concludes,” Entrapta stops for a second to add another input to her tablet. 

“… hold on this is taking a second to process… Ah there it is, the data concludes this is a bad idea, and as we all know, data never lies,” Entrapta finishes, but Catra can already see the idea has taken root inside Entrapta’s mind.

“Come on Entrapta. Building a portal was a bad idea when we were working with all the garbage tech the Fright Zone had to offer. No offense, Hordak.” Hordak’s growl gives Catra pause but she continues anyway, “Horde Prime has been to worlds we have never heard of, just think of all the tech we could use to build a stable portal, and plus, we can use some of the existing portal tech Horde Prime already built.”

Entrapta’s eyes widen at the mere mention of being able to use tech gathered from the far reaches of the universe. Catra knows victory is just within her grasp- Entrapta just needs a tiny push. “Just think of how happy Glimmer, Bow, Micah, all the citizens of Bright Moon will feel when you save the Queen using science!”

The thought of using science to fix a problem she was partially responsible for, gives Entrapta a warm feeling she is unaccustomed too. It makes her want to help Catra.

“Ok, I’ll help you save the Queen For Scie- I mean, For Friendship!!” Entrapta’s exclamation is ear piercing even for non Magicat ears, but Catra resists the urge to get angry in response.

“There is just one thing, Entrapta- and this is very important- only you, me, and Hordak can know about this plan to save the Queen. If it doesn’t work out, we don’t want to get Glimmer’s hopes up and then fail. Ok?” Catra fails to mention that she can’t have Adora hearing about this plan until it’s too late to stop Catra in case things go badly. _Things always go badly_

So for weeks, Catra slips off to Dryl every day to formulate a plan to rescue Angella. Every day she has to do the thing she hates the most, lying to Adora, but her treachery is rewarded when Entrapta hands Catra a small, green, pyramid shaped crystal that hums in her hand. The heat radiating from the crystal lets Catra know its a power source forged from Prime’s ship. 

“I call it a tesseract! I forged it from scraps of Horde Prime’s portal tech and the green pool he was using as a way to sustain his life force. It’s a hydride lithium super-ionic conductor with a …” Entrapta continues on with her overtly long and complicated explanation for quite some time before Catra’s finite patience finally wears out.

“Entrapta! Focus. Will this work? Can we use it to save the Queen?”

“Of course. Probably. There is like a 95% chance of it working correctly the first time. Well it’s really 75% when you include the variables for the time space continuum. And now that I mention it, it’s probably more like 50% when you factor in the theory of parallel universes. And then if you consider that any action or inaction no matter how small or insignificant can create an entirely new universe, I would say 25% for sure is going to work,” Entrapta replies, still banging away on her tablet, still calculating all the ways this could go wrong.

“So you are saying there is a chance?” Catra ask hopefully, refusing to acknowledge the low probability of this actually working. Her mind is already attached to the idea of releasing Angella from where she is stuck between the dimensions and freeing herself from this one unforgivable sin. 

“Of course there is a chance! We are going to save the Queen FOR SCIENCE! I mean, for friendship! Always friendship.”

“So what do I have to do to free the Queen? I know we have to stabilize the original portal, but how do we do that, considering that the original portal happened years ago.”

“Oh that’s the easy part. The original portal was destructive because the Sword of Protection was never designed to be a power source for a portal. We’ll just create a portal to send you back in time moments before the portal in the Fright Zone was created, and all you have to do is make sure that the tesseract is used to open the original portal. The tesseract will collapse the barrier keeping the Queen trapped between dimensions. Now, this is important, the tesseract uses the same technology that Horde Prime used for his hive mind technology so there is a neural component to the tesseract. Your thoughts might make the science part of the tesseract a bit wonky. And let’s not even get into the possibility of entropic cascade failure. Are you sure you don’t want the other Princesses to help?” 

Entrapta continues on with her warnings, but they mean nothing to Catra. Catra is committed to balancing out the scales and bringing back Angella. For so long, Catra has focused her world around one thing, Adora. _Protecting her. Hating her. Missing her. Fighting her. Loving her. Leaving her. Staying for her. It’s always been her._ But now, she has to push that away and focus on saving Angella.

“Entrapta, stop. I’m ready to do this…. and Entrapta…thank you.” 

Entrapta nods, and then Catra watches as Entrapta and Hordak input various commands into their computers. There is no dramatic flip of the lever this time, just a gentle whirring of the portal coming to life. 

As Catra walks through the portal, the tesseract in her pocket surges to life, reacting to the energy of the portal. All the years of Shadow Weaver torturing Catra’s body, mind, and soul fail to prepare her for the all consuming torment she feels as the portal uses the tesseract as a conduit to fry every nerve cell she possess. 

As she slips under, she thinks about Thaymor and all the ways this could have been avoided.

_This is how you die for her._

*  
Except Catra doesn’t die. She just wishes she did. The setting sun tells her that she has been out for hours, but the pain feels just as intense as it did when it first raced through her body.

As she fights through the pain, her sense of smell alerts her to her location, and with the realization of where she is at, a crushing wave of disappointment overwhelms her. It smells like her room at Bright Moon. The scent is not quite as she remembers it exactly, but it’s enough to cut through the pain she is still feeling and let her know exactly what happened. She is in Bright Moon not the Fright Zone. Not the Fright Zone where the fucking portal is that she needs to stop but Bright Moon.

Entrapta’s portal didn’t work, and Adora will soon know what Catra tried to do, if she doesn’t already. She’ll know what Catra really is _a failure_.

_Wait._

Slowly memories that Catra has never made assail her. 

_-The Fright Zone. The night everything changes: a sword found, a friendship- such an inadequate word for what they have- broken, and a collision course with the end of the world set…_

_Except this time, a promise is remembered and the world is rewritten in their deeds.-_

Always so attuned too Adora, this version of Catra feels Adora’s absence the moment Adora leaves their bunk. There is no hesitation to Catra’s actions as she leaves their bunk to follow wherever Adora goes. Catching up to Adora as she just makes it to the hallway, Catra hisses, “Adora! Where are you going?!?”

Adora startles at Catra’s voice. Adora can’t be caught. If she is caught, then Shadow Weaver will be so disappointed in her, and someone _Catra_ will have to pay for her mistake. She can’t allow that anymore. She’s going to be a Force Captain, the mistakes will be too grave now. Adora just needs to see what is in the Whispering Woods so she can get back to what is important to her. _Protecting the Horde, protecting her squad, protecting her. Always her._. 

“Catra, just go back to bed. I have to go back to the woods. I saw something. It felt important, and I just need to get another look,” Adora rushes out, anxious that they’ll be caught and she’ll never see what in the Whispering Woods is messing up the carefully constructed plans she has for her life. She has to do this, and once she sees what is in the woods, everything will be ok. She’ll be able to do her duties without these distractions.

However, any opportunity to see what lies outside this pile of junk they call the Fright Zone sounds amazing to Catra especially if that adventure is with Adora. “Sounds good. Let’s go.”

“No! I don’t want you getting in trouble on my behalf. Just cover for me okay? I’ll be back before anyone knows I’m gone,” Adora pleads with Catra. Years of Shadow Weaver’s conditioning has taught her that any mistake she makes, Catra will have to pay for. 

In another life, the idea of Adora leaving the Fright Zone for the Whispering Woods paralyzes Catra, makes her unable to remember a promise. But in this universe, in this life, a promise is remembered, spurring Catra to speak.

“Adora wait! There is no way I’m letting you go into the creepy, magic infested woods without me. The two of us look out for each other.” Catra trails off, hoping she is not the only one who has held onto this promise.

Their promise.

Without hesitation, Adora picks up, “Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.”

*  
 _What the fuck is going on? That’s not how this happened. Adora left and I stayed,_ Catra thinks just before a new memory surfaces, bringing her to her knees with its intensity.

_-Thaymor. A different ending but a similar result-_

There is so much smoke. Adora looking helpless on her knees wondering how she never understood the Horde’s true nature, but Catra is at her side this time, helping her to her feet. There is no retreating to the Fright Zone this time. Anger and resentment at Adora for never really seeing her is replaced by the fear of what Shadow Weaver is going to do to her when they get back to the Fright Zone. Shadow Weaver will blame this whole sword incident on her. She corrupted Adora, turned her against Shadow Weaver, and Shadow Weaver will run through all of Catra’s nine lives to exact revenge for this betrayal. So Catra stays out of fear… and for her. Always her. Always loving, hating, protecting, fighting, following her… This version of Catra made her way to the Rebellion trailing behind Adora like a lost pet. Oh so obedient.

A wave of sadness rips Catra from the memory of what happened to this version of herself. Happiness… that’s what Catra should be feeling right now. This version of her doesn’t have a list of unforgivable sins to pay for, but Catra can already tell that she has barely felt happiness here. She feels useless. Weak. Only tolerated because of her connection to Adora and even that is not enough for some of the Princesses. Catra’s ideas are always dismissed as too brutal, too rough, too much. The Rebellion doesn’t want to fight dirty. Too above it all. 

As the memories click into place, Catra realizes what has happened. Entrapta’s portal didn’t take her back in time to her universe. The portal brought her to an entirely new universe, and Catra already hates this version of herself. It’s everything she wishes she had done and it still tastes like sand.

More memories come to her. The Rebellion is not doing well. Without Catra to manipulate against Adora, Shadow Weaver knew that Adora was forever beyond her reach. Without any hope of regaining her control over Adora, Shadow Weaver was relentless in her destruction of Etheria. No line was too bloody to cross. She has thrown the youngest cadets at the Princesses at every engagement forcing the Princesses to choose between winning the battle and maintaining their soul. There is no bottom to Shadow Weaver’s rage. No casualty list too long to prevent the next attempt at destroying the Rebellion. No Catra to bear the brunt of her sadistic nature and spare the rest of the world the depths of Shadow Weaver’s hatred. No escape, no surrender, no hope.

The remaining and most recent memories of this version of herself smash into place with her own lived experiences, making her question what is really hers. Memories bubble all around her. A flash of an argument with Adora about her excluding Catra from a battle at Alwyn against the Horde. Adora trying to protect Catra from the front lines of Shadow Weaver’s wrath, and Catra arguing that she is just as capable as Adora is. Adora overcompensating for all the times she failed to protect Catra before now, and Catra feeling that she doesn’t need protecting and that she can actually be Adora’s protector. 

*  
 _-Princess Prom. The flicker of something old being turned into a new beginning. Until the embers of a new beginning are stamped out by the harsh realities of their world.-_

_Stupid. Stupid. How could I be so stupid? I ruined our one chance at securing an alliance with Frosta by calling her a kid. And now Lonnie is here with Scorpia. God knows what they are planning. I feel sick. I failed the Rebellion already. I can-_ Adora’s spiral is interrupted when she senses Catra nearby. A warmth rushes through her without warning, followed by a different kind of queasiness than she was just feeling at her failure. 

Despite her earlier thoughts, Adora is not stupid. She knows what her feelings are for Catra. Coming to the Rebellion has given her the words to name what she has been feeling since Catra came into her life. Attraction. Love. Home. But she is not selfish. This isn’t about what she wants. 

From across the crowded ballroom, Catra can see Adora hanging her head. No doubt spiraling over accidentally insulting Frosta. It’s been so tense between them that Catra can’t believe she was naive enough to ever think that things would be different between them without the daily presence of Shadow Weaver in their lives. Still, she knows what she feels for Adora. What she has always felt for Adora, and she doesn’t want Adora to needlessly suffer. “Hey Adora,” Catra drawls hoping to break Adora from her self-castigation. 

When Adora raises her head in acknowledgement, Catra continues, “Jeez, I couldn’t hear the music over how loud you were thinking. Anyway you can turn that down so the rest of us can enjoy the party.” Adora smiles at the insult. It’s nice to have someone get her. 

Letting herself enjoy Adora’s smile for a second, Catra pauses before continuing, “Don’t worry about Frosta, we’ll think of something to say to make her feel like the adult she thinks she is. Now come on, let’s go dance before they kick us out for being a buzzkill.”

Adora feels slightly better at Catra’s assurance that they can sooth over the hurt she caused Frosta. Taking Catra’s outstretched hand, Adora allows herself to be led to the dance floor. As they reach the dance floor, Adora tells herself that she can handle this. Yep, she can definitely handle dancing closely Catra. She can definitely ignore the way her heart beats faster just from being in Catra’s close proximity, the way her stomach tightens when Catra’s claws come to a rest on the small of her back just barely pricking her skin. 

Yep, she can definitely not handle this. When Adora twirls Catra away from her only to have Catra slam back into her moments later with Catra’s back pressed snugly against Adora’s front, there is really no way that Adora can ignore the pool of want that grows within her. And there is really no hope for Adora to handle this when Catra quickly spins around and dips Adora. And is it really a crime to want Catra to bend down and close the distance between their lips. _It’s not._

It’s an explosive first kiss. Literally. As soon as their lips meet, the carefully placed heat bombs that Scorpia, Lonnie, Rogelio, and Kyle have been planting all through out Princess Prom explode shaking the entire Kingdom of Snows. 

The guilt for Adora is immediate quickly replacing the initial shock of the blast, and she pushes Catra away to go search for Bow and Glimmer only to catch a glimpse of them being kidnapped. 

*  
After the rescue mission to retrieve Bow and Glimmer from the Fright Zone, Adora ends their happiness before it really begins. “This is all my fault. If I hadn’t been distracted, then Bow and Glimmer would have never gotten captured and tortured.”

“Distracted. You mean distracted by me and the kiss we shared,” Catra spits out. Her mismatched eyes looking anywhere but at Adora, her claws begging to dig into any surface to release the anger, disappointment, rage, sadness.

Adora doesn’t want to say what she says next, but she doesn’t know how to be the hero Etheria needs yet. It just seems simpler to rip out her own heart than disappoint the whole world. “No, I mean … You don’t understand, I have a responsibility to protect the people of Etheria. I’m She-Ra. I can’t let people get hurt because of something I…” Adora trails off, not ready to complete that sentence in this lifetime.

“By something you want. I’m a distraction. I guess Shadow Weaver was finally right about one thing. Maybe she is right about all the other things she said about me as well.”

“Catra, No! I didn’t mean it that way. I just need time to figure out how to balance out being She-Ra and -” 

“No, Adora I get it, but don’t worry, I’m out of this fucking place as soon as I grab my stuff.” 

“Wait, I don’t want” _you to go. I need you to stay. I love you._ But Adora never gets to finish because Glimmer teleports into their room at exactly the wrong moment.

“Adora, why are you still in here? We have that,” Glimmer trails off noticing Catra for the first time, “um … we have to go do that thing that we are already so late for.” 

Glimmer’s attempt at discretion is wasted on this version of Catra. Catra already knows that there is a secret Princess meeting to discuss the rumors coming out of the Fright Zone that Hordak and Shadow Weaver are building a new weapon to finally destroy the Rebellion. 

“Yeah, Adora run along with Sparkles to your secret Princess meeting. I don’t want you to be distracted by me anymore,” Catra snarls, infusing every drop of anger she has ever felt into each word.

*  
Footsteps outside of Catra’s door breaks her from reliving this version of herself’s memories.She’s gotta stop these trips to the past she tells herself. She needs to focus on the portal and not worry about how she’s screwed up this opportunity once again.

The door to her counterpart’s room opens and Adora steps inside. 

Catra immediately notices the unshed tears in those ocean colored eyes. She feels a stab of guilt as acutely as if she was actually the reason for those tears. It’s not the first time she’s caused them, and it won’t be the last time she’s responsible for them either. 

“I thought you would be gone.” 

Catra shrugs at that, taking no offense to Adora’s comment. She’s always been good at lashing out and then running. She imagines that is true across any universe, any version of herself. 

Catra does take a moment to debate whether it is easer to try and explain her mission to save Angella to Adora or just let events take their natural course. Catra’s got the experience of already living these events to know that the secret weapon Hordak and Shadow Weaver are working on has to be the portal. All she needs to do is be in the Fright Zone right before they open it, and she can go back to her Adora with Angella in tow. 

Making her decision to just let things happen, Catra responds, “Nah, I figured you Princesses would need some help with your ‘secret’ mission to take out Hordak’s new weapon. We all know Princesses are easy to take down. I figured you needed a real threat like me to get the job done.” 

Adora is not surprised that Catra knows about the secret mission to the Fright Zone, but she’s already made the decision that Catra is not going anywhere near Shadow Weaver. Her whole life she failed to protect Catra when it really mattered, and now, she’ll never let Shadow Weaver touch her again. 

“Catra, I need you to stay behind and protect Bright Moon. If you go to the Fright Zone with us, Shadow Weaver will do what she always does and use one of us to make the other suffer. If you stay behind, she won’t have the opportunity,” Adora says, while bracing herself for the argument she knows is coming.

Catra knows this version of herself would use words as a finely crafted weapon to wound Adora into accepting that Catra was going on this mission no matter what, but Catra is just so tired of being the reason for Adora hurting in this universe or any other. 

“Okay, you are right. If I’m not there, Shadow Weaver can’t mess with our minds and play with our emotions like she did when we were kids. I’ll stay here and keep Bright Moon safe,” Catra lies. It turns out lying to Adora is still what she hates the most in any universe.

Adora’s eyebrows raise at Catra’s easy capitulation. She feels like she is being tricked, but she can’t quite see where the blow is going to come from. “Really?!? I would have - ” whatever Adora was going to say dies on her throat when she sees Catra’s hand raised in a stopping motion.

“Take the win, Adora.”

Adora smiles, “Hey Catra, when I get back from the Fright Zone, let’s go somewhere together, anywhere in the entire world and finish what we started at Princess Prom.” _It feels like a promise._

Catra returns her smile. She’s not sure what is going to happen to this version of herself when she opens the portal with the tesseract. Maybe she’ll get a happily ever after. 

*

The Princesses infiltrate the Fright Zone with Catra closely following behind. Her time as a cadet and later as second in command taught her all the secret passage ways the Fright Zone has to offer. The sounds of the Princesses fighting Shadow Weaver and the Horde soldiers rumble around her, but she remains focused on her goal of reaching Hordak’s inner sanctum. She just hopes that he actually has completed the portal this time. 

When she arrives at the scene of her greatest mistake, she finds Adora and Shadow Weaver already there, fighting for control of Etheria. Another year as She-Ra and Shadow Weaver would have never stood a chance against Adora, but this Adora never had the unfortunate experience of learning everything from Shadow Weaver like Catra did. 

Adora never learned from Shadow Weaver how to predict when Shadow Weaver would strike, how to dodge, how to resist, but Catra did. And really Catra has no choice- mission or not, her Adora or not- when Shadow Weaver launches a fatal blow at Adora, she has to intervene.

The blast intended for Adora hits Catra right where the tesseract is located in her pocket, protecting Adora but hitting Catra squarely. The combined energy from the tesseract and Shadow Weaver’s magic decimates Catra’s body. And as she fades under, a portal opens, Adora strikes Shadow Weaver down, and the world goes dark.

_This is how you protect her._

*  
 _Am I alive?_

“Come on Catra, I need you to wake up,” Adora desperately pleads.

Adora’s voice pulls at Catra, begging her to surface from the murky depths of her conscious. Catra wants to open her eyes at Adora’s command, but her body feels too broken to even move. The energy of Shadow Weaver’s magic and the tesseract have left her shattered.

“Catra, I’m serious. We have a lot to do today, You need to wake up and get ready”

_What the fuck? We have a lot to do today?!?!?! What does that even mean….. Oh god the portal opened before she fell unconscious._

Cautiously, Catra cracks open her golden eye only to be met with a vision of paradise. 

For someone who had spent a great deal of their life with a death wish, Catra had never given much thought to the afterlife. Everything she had been told in the Horde about the world was a lie, but if there was a paradise awaiting her in the afterlife, Catra is pretty sure this is it.

Adora. Partially dressed. Standing by the castle’s window with an unmistakable bump in her midsection. 

And whether Catra is actually dead or she has stumbled into another universe and there is a portal that she has to care of- no matter what the actual fuck is going on - Catra is going to take a moment to enjoy this.

Adora notices Catra’s blatant staring and rolls her eyes. “Ok, we so don’t have time for that, and frankly, it’s really unfair that you are even staring at me like that. You know with Princess Glimmer and her consort arriving here today it will be nothing but boring meetings, followed by more boring meetings with the High Council about why Halfmoon cannot join the Rebellion. This day is going to be long enough without thoughts of last night and how soon we can repeat it, tempting me.”

With that Adora starts digging through their closet, looking for her ceremonial robes-a glint of gold on her finger that Catra’s eyes just miss. Before Catra can even really begin to contemplate anything besides Adora, a knock on the door disturbs her musings. 

“Just a minute. The Princess decided today was a good day to be lazy. Even though she knows we have a ton of work to do today,” Adora calls out before heading for a shower.

_A Princess._ Catra thinks to herself. She’s a princess in this universe. The thought rolls around in her brain approximately one time before she is flooded with a wave of memories.

*  
This version of herself is four years, 76 days, and 4 hours old, and today is the day that everything changes. Before the sun can even begin its ascent, the Horde attacks Halfmoon. The intent of the attack is to not conquer Halfmoon, but hoping instead to displace the royal line of succession and weaken the Magicats’ connection to their runestone, the Lionheart. This version of herself loses sight of her mother, Fiona, in the ensuing chaos and is captured by the Horde. She ends up being taken somewhere very sterile and terrifying. A scary woman with long red robes and a mask whispers about seeing what a Magicat Princess is actually made of before eventually placing her in a room with other children her age. And that’s where she meets _her_. Always Adora, always there, always together in every universe. 

When the sun sets on Etheria, a blast rumbles through the Horde compound, shaking the room housing the young children. Fiona - bloody, missing a claw on her right hand, eyes blazing with the fury of the Lionheart- rages through the building, refusing to stop until she finds her child. After taking down nearly half the compound out of sheer wrath, Fiona finds Catra in a small room with the other children- Catra’s hand grasped tightly around a young girl’s hand. Finding her child relatively unhurt soothes some of the rage that the Lionheart demands, but the sight of all the children the Horde has stolen stokes the flame back into a fury. Fiona knows that it will be hard enough to get out the compound with just Catra, but seeing her child’s hand wrapped tightly around the other little girl’s hand, compels her to try and rescue all the children the Horde has stolen. 

This version of herself is nineteen years, 260 days, and 10 hours old, and today is the day all her dreams come true. A delegation from another kingdom is arriving today, and her mother has been on her case all month about making nice with the visiting princess. She knows her mother wants her to settle down and start working on ensuring that Halfmoon has a clear line of succession, but Catra’s already met the love of her life at four years old. It’s just taken her about fifteen years to even contemplate confessing it to the person who needs to hear it most.

There is a lot things this version of Adora can do. Being raised alongside Magicats, she’s the fastest, most agile she’ll ever be. She can sleep at night without the weight of the whole world on her shoulders. She still tends to be self-sacrificial, but she’s only willing to make that sacrifice for her Queen and the Princess. There is a lot of things this version of Adora can do, but the one she can’t is watch Catra marry another princess. She has dreaded this day since it was announced a month ago. She has heard Catra’s complaints about her mother pushing Catra to make nice with the visiting princess, but Adora knows how this story ends- it’s not a happily ever after for her. And that is why she has chosen today to request her leave from Halfmoon’s Royal Guards so she can go join the Rebellion. She can still protect Catra even if it’s indirectly. She’s just has to knock on the door to the Queen’s chamber and set things in motion. So she knocks, and the final puzzle piece of her life starts to slide into place.

This version of herself is nineteen years, 260 days, and 18 hours old, and in about one hour from now, every gift Catra has ever received before will pale in comparison to what she is given. As she had expected, Catra had found the visiting princess to be exceedingly dull. Her mismatched eyes had spent the whole visit searching for Adora, only to be disappointed.Right now, there is a party raging behind her to celebrate the visiting delegation, but Catra had lost interest in the festivities the moment she realized that Adora wasn’t there.

Standing on a balcony right outside the ballroom of Halfmoon castle, Catra can see the entirety of the Whispering Woods. It’s a beautiful, breathtaking sight, but in about half a minute, Catra is going to forget all about it. 

“Hey Catra.”

At Adora’s words, a smile comes to her face involuntarily. There is no power in the ‘verse that could stop it. Catra has a cocky ‘Hey Adora,’ on the tip of her tongue, but as she turns to face Adora, it dies there. It will take approximately 364 days and 16 hours from now before Catra sees something more beautiful than the way Adora looks now. That day will be their wedding day. But in the here and now, with Adora’s hair down, wearing a white dress with gold straps, Catra’s lost the ability to form a coherent thought beyond _wow!_

Noticing Catra’s inability to speak, Adora fills the silence for her, “Do you like my dress? Your mom helped me pick it out.”

“My mom?!?” Catra squeaks out, feeling like such a dumbass that she can barely speak.

“Yep, your mom, the scariest, fiercest queen in all of Etheria suggested it.” As Adora continues speaking, she subtly moves closer until she is invading Catra’s personal space. “I went to talk to her today about a problem I was having, and well, she gave me some really good advice.”

“Advice?” _Oh god, I am such an idiot,_ Catra thinks about herself as she is still unable to come up with more than one word responses in the face of Adora’s overwhelming beauty. 

“You are such an idiot,” Adora says as she dips her head down to catch Catra’s lips in the first of many kisses they will share.

*  
A heavy robe hitting her in the forehead breaks Catra out of the waves of memories she found herself stuck in. “Really, Catra! You know how important today is and you are still not dressed,” Adora growls.

Despite Adora’s growls, Catra is going to need a moment. Scratch that, Catra is going to need a lot of moments to process what she just saw. She is surrounded by people who look like her for the first time in her life, she is a princess, she has a mother, _she is going to be a mother_ , and she is happily married to the love of her life. How the fuck is she going to just open up a portal and go back to her own universe after living this life?

In her heart, she knows the right thing to do is fix the portal like she planned and bring the Queen of Bright Moon home, but how does she leave the universe where everything she ever wanted was given to her and return to the universe where it mostly consisted of everything she ever wanted being taken from her. Things are better in her universe now- so much better in all the respects that involve Adora- but will it ever top this….

Catra from a year ago would find the deepest ocean in all of Etheria and toss the tesseract into it and live out the life she has always wanted, but she is trying to not be that woman anymore. She doesn’t want to be a part of Shadow Weaver’s legacy. She can be good, do good. So even though it pains her immensely to do so, Catra resolves to find a way to open a portal with the tesseract in this version of the universe and bring the Queen home. 

She’ll get through today’s meetings. She’ll find out what the Rebellion knows about the happenings in the Fright Zone, see if they have heard anything about a new weapon Hordak and Shadow Weaver are surely building. She’ll make a plan to make this right. She’ll make whole what she broke.

*  
The meetings with the Rebellion and the High Council go about as badly as expected. While the Rebellion provides valuable information about the happenings in the Fright Zone, the Rebellion lacks unity with the other kingdoms reluctant to commit to overthrowing the Horde. A problem that Adora thinks would be solved immediately if Halfmoon would take the bold step and officially join the cause. A plan the High Council is very much against, but then again, the High Council is against any plan that puts the only heir to the Lionheart in danger.

Catra is just so tired by the time she makes it back to their room at night. Being blasted by Shadow Weaver in the previous universe, dealing with petty politics in this new universe, and wrestling with her own morality of whether she can say in this universe or not, has left Catra drained.

But like in every universe, Adora will not simply let anything rest when she has something on her mind. “I can’t believe the High Council. I don’t even know why your mom puts up with them. She’s the most powerful queen in all of Etheria. We have to think of a way to get them to say yes. The Rebellion is doing such important work…” Adora trails off, taking a second to rub at her swollen midsection. 

“I just thought things would be different with the High Council now that we are having a kitten. I understand they don’t want to risk you getting hurt, but I would never let anything happen to you, Catra. I know how much the Magicat kingdom is dependent on your families connection to the Lionheart.” 

_Don’t even think about how cute a little kitten with Adora’s eyes would look like. Don’t think you deserve something like that with Adora. Don’t think you wouldn’t screw that up,_ Catra tells herself over and over again. Catra knows she should say something, but it’s all too much. Saving Angella is one thing, but being responsible for the entire Magicat kingdom is not something she can deal with at the moment. And a kitten?!? What does she know about being a mother.

“Are you ok, Catra? You have been acting strangely all day.” Adora stops talking long enough to feel Catra’s forehead for a temperature. Catra cannot help but lean into the touch before Adora continues to talk, “You were so excited about your mom agreeing to hear Bow and Glimmer out. About how the rebellion is going to make life for Finn so much easier than we had it, and you have just been disengaged the whole day.” 

_Finn. A tribute to Fiona. Fuck, how is she supposed to give this up._

Catra so cannot deal with this now or ever. “Adora, I’m just really tired, can we talk about this in the morning?” Catra’s planned a whole war, she’s pretty sure she can think of a way to get out of tomorrow’s conversation about this topic.

Adora frowns. She’s not used to this kind of evasion from Catra. Adora can feel that something is off with her Catra, but Catra is right about one thing- it’s late and she’ll never get to sleep without Catra wrapped in her arms. “Sure. Come here, babe,” Adora offers, with her arms wide open for Catra to snuggle into.

In any universe, there will never be adequate words to describe how good Adora’s arms feel wrapped around her. And for tonight, Catra lets herself believe that she deserves it. “Hey Adora, I love you” _I’ll love you in any universe._

Adora sleepily mumbles,“Mmm lo-” **BOOM!!!!!!!**

_What the fucking fuck?_

**BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!**

The Horde.

Adora is already rolling away from her and reaching under the bed for something before Catra can really make sense of what is happening. After she has retrieved the sword from underneath their bed, Adora notices the disoriented look in Catra’s face.

“Catra, Catra!” Adora yells to get Catra to focus on her. “I need you to stay here while I rally the rest of the Royal Guards, okay? The Horde must have figured out that Princess Glimmer was here and decided to attack. You’ll be safe here- I promise, but I have to make sure that Glimmer, Bow, and your mother are protected. Stay here, I’ll be back as soon as I can, my love.” 

Quickly, because there is never enough time, never enough time for this, Adora bends down and kisses Catra before running out of the room with a Magicat sword in her hand.

Catra takes a moment to compose herself. She needs a weapon and a plan before she rushes out to confront the Horde. Catra thinks to herself, _Adora will be okay. She’s She-Ra. The Horde has no chance… Oh fuck, Adora never found the sword. She is not She-Ra in this universe. oh fuck._

Catra can feel herself start to spiral. This is not good. She can’t do this here. She’s gotta save Adora. She’s gotta pull herself together for Adora. Adora is a great fighter. Adora has never needed She-Ra to be amazing. This will be fine. She just needs a weapon because her claws are not going to be much use against the Horde’s energy weapons. A weapon and a plan. They’ll push the Horde right out of Halfmoon. They’ll have a big victory party, and she’ll enjoy every minute of it. She’ll deserve every second of happiness she’ll feel when this is all over. She just needs to find a weapon.

Later when this is all over, Catra will see the irony that a kiss with Adora saved a universe and that a kiss from Adora ended a universe. She won’t find it funny.

*

The Horde’s attack on Halfmoon is relentless. There are bots in every corner of the castle, fallen Magicat soldiers in every room that Catra stumbles into. Catra has to push back every time her conscience reminds her that the old her would have relished a success like this. She’s not going to let her fractured soul endanger Adora. Never again will she allow that.

After finally making it to the Magicat armory, she’s got a weapon and a plan now. As far as she can tell, Horde tactics haven’t changed too drastically between the universes she has been in, and she knows if she takes out the Force Captain leading the attack, the Horde soldiers will retreat. Having been one of the best Force Captains the Horde has ever had, Catra knows who ever is leading the attack will be doing so from atop Halfmoon’s tallest guard tower. It’s the easiest place to defend while providing the best view of the battlefield. 

Catra briefly wonders who the Force Captain will be, and if she’ll feel sadness if its Scorpia or Lonnie that she has to take out. She can do this. 

Except, Catra never expects it to be her leading the attack. And why would she? Hordak would never allow her to come to a simple engagement, and yet here she is. Shadow Weaver. Always Shadow Weaver.

After a moment, Shadow Weaver finally sees her and can’t let any opportunity to belittle her in any universe go to waste, “Oh look it’s the Princess of Halfmoon. Don’t think I have forgotten, my dear, that we had a plan sixteen years ago to find out what a Magicat Princess is really made of. I look forward to taking you apart myself after I retrieve what your mother stole from me.”

Catra takes a deep breath. She can do this. She has done this before. And she almost does it. 

When she had defeated Shadow Weaver in her universe, she had been an angry young woman with a heart shattered into a million pieces. It’s hard to hesitate when you have nothing to lose, but this version of herself has everything to lose and it makes her just half a second too slow. 

The burning in her side lets Catra know she’s still alive for the moment, but she won’t be able to withstand another blow. She’s failed. She’s failed Halfmoon. She’s failed her mother. She’s failed Angella. She’s failed her unborn child. She’s failed _her_. 

_No.no.no.no.no. **NO.**_ She’s done failing Adora. She refuses to do that any more.

Catra scrambles to her feet before Shadow Weaver can strike again. If this is to be her destiny, to die here, for Halfmoon, for her mother, for Angella, for Finn, for Adora, then she wants to do it while taking Shadow Weaver with her. 

But before she gets the chance to pounce on Shadow Weaver and send them both plummeting to their death below, Adora rushes past her, grabs Shadow Weaver in an embrace, and sends them both over the edge. Catra can see Adora mouthing the words “I’m sorry” as she tumbles over into the abyss.

No one hears them hit the ground because Catra’s scream deafens the world.

*  
They tell her that redemption can be hers if she makes the choice to do good every day. That’s all she has to do to make up for her past. Make the world whole again, one good action at a time. Choose to do good when the option to do bad is right in front of her. No big sacrifice is required, only the commitment to be good.

Catra knows she’ll do good again. She knows it. She can be better than what her past says she is.

The tesseract is a reminder that she could make that choice to do good right now. She could go to the Fright Zone, open the portal with the tesseract and bring Angella home to Catra’s universe, leaving all this universe hopping nonsense behind her. 

She just can’t do good right now. Not after watching _her_ fall. Doing good is not on the menu for today. Maybe tomorrow, but not today.

Today, she’s has to take care of this one thing. She’s just gotta take care of the monster in her life before she gains her power. It doesn’t matter that Shadow Weaver is dead in her universe, she will always be a specter haunting them. And Catra is just so fucking sick of her. 

So if it takes dragging this version of Entrapta unwillingly to the Fright Zone, that’s just another bad deed on her resume.

If it takes destroying Hordak to get access to his portal, well that’s just another bad deed on her scale.

And if it takes redesigning the portal without the use of the tesseract so she can go back in time and destroy the monster in her life, then she’ll gladly pay any price that it requires.

She’ll take care of the monster in everyone’s lives and then she’ll be so good. 

_This is how you end the world for her._

*  
Except, Entrapta’s portals never work for Catra. Data never lies. 

Three portals and she never ends up where she needs to be. This portal does send her to the past, but not thirty years in the past, not to Mystacor, not to where Light Spinner is and Catra wants to be. 

No, this portal sends her back exactly twenty-two years, and judging by Hordak’s presence, about five minutes before another portal will open and the most important person to her in any universe will arrive in Etheria.

It appears that Catra will be doing some good today … but not before doing a little bad.

A strike to the back of the neck puts Hordak on the ground just as easily as it did back on Prime’s ship a lifetime ago, and when the portal opens, she is ready. 

Even as broken as she is at the moment, Catra knows what she has to do. And as much as her younger self wanted it to be true, the Fright Zone was never Adora’s home. It’s a long journey to Bright Moon from here, but she’ll have plenty of time to think of a good story to tell the King and Queen so they will raise Adora as their own.

And after that, Catra plans on finding a quiet spot in the Crimson Waste to ride this universe out. Not getting vengeance on Shadow Weaver and having to watch _her_ die has left her broken in all the places she is fragile. She needs a quiet place to take a break from all her worries. Catra knows a portal is going to open eventually- it always does. A new universe is going to be created, and she is going to be paying for her mistakes for the rest of eternity.

_But maybe…_

Maybe she’ll stick around for a bit and put her thumb on fate’s scale. Make sure a few more breaks go in Adora’s favor.

Maybe she’ll be there and prevent the King from being sent to Beast Island.

Maybe she’ll be there when six year old Adora falls off Bright Moon’s balcony and yet, miraculously lands safe.

Maybe she’ll be there when the Best Friend Squad gets lost in the Whispering Woods and they are attacked by an Elemental. Maybe that Elemental will suddenly be ripped to shreds by the only set of Magicat claws in the world.

Maybe she’ll be there when the Horde attacks Bright Moon. 

Maybe she’ll be there when Bow and Glimmer get married and see that the happy smile on Adora’s face doesn’t quite meet her eyes. That maybe there is an empty place inside of Adora. That maybe Adora is a puzzle, almost complete, but missing that essential final piece. A piece that will never be born because it already existed- just twenty-two years too early.

Maybe she’ll understand Double Trouble was wrong and she’s not the problem.

Maybe she’ll be there when the next portal opens and a new world is created. 

Maybe in the next universe, she’ll get it right.

When the portal opens without any assistance from her, Catra is ready for what comes next. 

_This is how you end your world for her._

*

The walls angrily streaked with Prime’s virus clue Catra into where this portal has left her.The Heart of Etheria. The place where the scariest moment in her life coexists with the happiest. 

But this feels different. She feels different. Like she has the most indescribable power bubbling beneath her skin. She can almost reach out and touch it. Almost reach out and make it bend to her will. Something is blocking it though, leaving it just out of her command.

And then just like all the other universes, new memories surface and etch themselves into the very fabric of who she is.

_New memories but the same fucking mistakes._

This version of herself is falling off a Horde skiff, losing her Horde mask in the descent. Falling so fast and furiously, her back cracks against the floor of the Whispering Woods, splintering her world. Only for it to be reborn by a mask. A mask fit for a Magicat Princess. She’s the hero of this story, and Adora is the one left behind with only a broken promise.

A story old as time. A siege at Thaymor, an alliance forged at sea, a dance to remember, a betrayal at a castle made of crystal, a battle for the brightest moon, a portal opened in rage, a daring rescue, a failsafe, and a date with the end of the world.

_Wait_

A chilling thought curls down her spine and her tail fluffs involuntarily. If she is at the Heart, then the portal is gone. The portal already happened. There is no portal to fix which means she might be stuck in this universe. Stuck in a universe where she is She-Ra. She may have dealt with her murderous rage in the last universe, but she’s not ready, will never be ready to be She-Ra. Stuck in a universe where Prime is bearing down on the entire universe. Stuck in a universe where Etheria needs a hero, and she doesn’t know how to be that for anyone. And judging by the fact that she can’t even summon She-Ra, this universe agrees with her.

_Wait._

The failsafe.

Even she can’t screw that up. Even if she can’t connect with She-Ra, the failsafe will still work. Prime’s virus is bad here, but not as bad as it was in her universe, this can still work. She can still save them. She can still save her. Always her. Always loving, hating, protecting, fighting, leaving her. 

Except, when Catra looks down to her chest, she doesn’t see the glowing reminder of the failsafe. She sees nothing except their story playing out.

Mystacor. A mission to retrieve the failsafe. Chipped sorceresses hunting them at every turn. A false step and then she is in fire, only to end up in the one place where she belongs, Adora’s arms. An overheard conversation with Shadow Weaver that’s going to lead to her ultimate devastation. Always Shadow Weaver. Always unraveling what tiny bit of happiness she has found in any and every universe.

More memories of this universe arise. A revelation about the failsafe is made, and this version of herself is the least surprised person there. Shadow Weaver has wanted rid of her from the very beginning. It’s no shock to her that Shadow Weaver wants Catra to sacrifice herself. But this version of herself is okay with this. She can do this. Adora is safe, her friends are safe, and this will just ensure that remains the true. A promise finally fulfilled. This version of herself is going to accept the failsafe and they will all be safe. Her connection to She-Ra has been sketchy at best since the Fright Zone, but she’ll survive this -she always has a way out and with Adora no longer with the Horde, this version of herself has something to hope for again.

But when Catra goes to accept the failsafe, Adora -noble, stupid, and self-sacrificing in any universe- pushes her out of the way and takes the failsafe, condemning them both.

By the time this version of Adora ends up on Prime’s ship, she has a list of sins too long to forgive. For so long, all Adora ever wanted to do was serve, fight, protect. Serve, fight, protect to make the world safe from the tyrannical Princesses, who lorded over the civilians of Etheria with their magical powers. She wanted to make the world safe for _her_. And then Adora’s reason abandoned her for a treacherous, corrupting mask, leaving the foundations of her universe crumbling. Unsettled, Adora spent their separation doubling down on making the world safe from the Princesses’ influence. She’d build a world free of the Princesses, a world where people not blessed with magical abilities had just as much say in its design. But she didn’t fix the world, didn’t remake it in her image, she just made it easier for someone like Prime to conquer it.

Adora saves Glimmer because while she can’t save herself, she can make her last deed in this universe about serving, fighting for, protecting _her_.And that’s enough. 

She never dreams of Catra coming back for her, not hating her, maybe caring for her. 

While they are in Mystacor, she overhears Shadow Weaver belittling Catra about losing her connection to She-Ra. She desperately wants to intervene, to make up for all the times she failed to protect Catra from Shadow Weaver. However, she resists knowing Catra will take it as a sign that Adora still doesn’t respect her instead of the actuality that Adora would sacrifice the world for her. And when the truth of the failsafe is revealed, Adora’s future has never been more clearer. The world needs She-Ra. It doesn’t need her, not after all the things she has done. 

*  
Adora has the failsafe. She has the failsafe, and Catra is going to have to watch her die again with no guarantee of another portal opening into a new universe. She’s going to be stuck here without the most essential piece of her life.

**No. No. No. NO!**

“I would have survived the Heart,” Catra growls to Adora, to the Heart, to each and every universe. 

Adora can only sigh. She wishes that their last moments could be different. Tender. Loving. Forgiving. But that’s just not who they are. “We have already been over this, I had to take the failsafe. I heard your conversation with Shadow Weaver. I saw you in Mystacor, I saw how you struggled to summon She-Ra. Your connection to She-Ra, at the moment, is fragile at best. You need more time to figure out what is wrong, and I can give you that now. I can buy you the time you need to defeat Prime. I couldn’t chance you taking the failsafe and not being able to summon her. The world needs She-Ra. It doesn’t need the washed up former Horde Lord. I can’t fix every bad thing I did while we were apart, but this, I can fix this. Please let me do this for you.”

“Fuck you, Adora. I could have survived the Heart, I would have summoned her. It’s a guaranteed death sentence for you. What do you think this will accomplish? That you just sacrifice yourself and everyone gets a happily ever after? There is no one deed that will wipe the slate clean. All you have to do is choose to do good every day and that’s enough. You don’t have to die to be forgiven. And what am I going to have left? Huh? You are really going to make me live with half a heart for the rest of my life! I love you, I always have, and I always will.”

Catra really should have expected what happened next because history always repeats itself.

A first kiss, but not - _never_ \- a last kiss. 

A magical transformation, a tesseract, and a super weapon makes every universe tremble.

_This is how you forgive yourself for her._

*  
“We could rule the Crimson Waste together. Just the two of us. We could, you know, be happy,” Scorpia finishes, looking so hopefully at Catra. 

Could she have been happy here? If she had just stayed here forever, stayed away from _her_ and let the world pass Catra by. 

No. Five different universes have taught her that this was always going to end this way.

“I- - I don’t - - I have to go check on the prisoner,” Catra finds herself repeating the words she said oh so long ago. Like she has a part to play for just the next few minutes before she can change the script.

So this is the end. How fitting this is where the universe wants to make its last stand. Catra can feel it now. The sand. The oppressive heat. Catra knows this place. She had a choice here. Stay here and figure out how to move past Shadow Weaver’s legacy or go back and watch the world burn. She’s so tired of this fucking place, but she knows its going to be her last stop. There will be no additional memories of a life she has never lived. This is her life, this is her choice, and she feels ready.

As soon as she opens the cell door, Adora is already arguing with her, “Catra, you can’t do this.”

Catra skips the greeting she used in the past, choosing instead to immediately dismiss the guard with a nod. She keeps her back to Adora for the moment. It’s hard to see Adora tied up, suffering on her orders, but Catra can’t afford to get lost in a sea of guilt now.

She really should have planned out what she was going to say before coming in here. On Mara’s ship, Adora told her she never hated her, but not hating her and being willing to trust her is way different. 

If Catra starts explaining how she’s been hopping from universe to universe to save Angella and she keeps failing, Adora will think she is taking a page from Shadow Weaver and is messing with her mind. But Catra doesn’t know how to explain that every time a portal opens her life goes haywire and this may be their last chance to get it right.

“Ignoring me, Catra. Real mature. I knew-”

Screw it, Catra is just going to start with the truth. There is no point in waiting until the end of the world to say this, “Adora, I love you”

The confession stuns Adora and she stops struggling to free herself for the moment. Then her tone takes on an icy chill, “What did you just say?”

Catra is undeterred though. After everything, it’s the only truth she’ll ever know, “I love you. I always have.”

“Fuck you, Catra! Whatever sick mind game you are playing, you can forget it. How dare you say the one thing I have always w-” Adora stops herself, her eyes so dangerously blue like she is about to summon She-Ra without her sword. “Fuck you, I hate you.”

_I promise,_

_I’ll always be your friend,_

_You matter to me,_

_I never hated you,_

_I need you,_

_I love you too._

“No Adora, you don’t. I love you and you love me. I have been to five different universes, and it’s the only constant in my life. I know you have no reason to trust me, but I’m not the Catra you know. I mean, I am, but I have already lived this part of my life. I already know what opening that portal will do, who it will hurt, and what it won’t bring me. I just need you to believe me for the next five minutes and we’ll stop this portal together. I promise.”

Adora hears Catra’s words, but she can’t let herself believe them. It’s just a cruel game that Catra is playing. Catra somehow found out this is the only thing she has ever wanted, and she’s going to use it to break her. Catra could never love her.

Catra can tell by the look in Adora’s face that words alone are not going to convince Adora to trust her. It’s a major risk, giving her back the sword before she’s explained what’s been going on. If Adora bolts with the sword, then she’ll have nothing to buy her way back into the Fright Zone. She’ll be on the outside looking in when the portal is finally ready to be opened and all of this will have been for nothing. Ultimately, it’s one she feels she has to take. She has tried to do this alone and every time it goes wrong.

Tossing the Sword of Protection on the ground in front of Adora, Catra sets her plan in motion. While moving behind Adora to undo the rope binding her hands, Catra speaks, “There is a universe out there where I left the Horde with you at Thaymor.” 

Carefully slicing the rope binding Adora’s hands with her claw, Catra continues, “For so long, I thought, if I had just went with you at Thaymor, that things would be magically better. I was wrong. You were overprotective and I felt weak. It was a mess.”

“Still blaming me for everything,” Adora snarls while shaking out her arms to regain some of the feeling from them being bound for so long.

“No. She - I - didn’t understand what Shadow Weaver was doing to you. I was so jealous thinking that she loved you and that I was just the disappointment, but all this time, she was abusing you too by making you think that everything bad that happened was your fault. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for never really seeing you. Never seeing that you were suffering as much as I was.”

That causes Adora icy demeanor to slightly crack. 

At Adora’s slightly softening expression, Catra begins to feel hope for the first time since she started this. “Anyway, apparently our counterparts shared quite the kiss at Princess Prom. There were explosions and everything…. Well to be fair, the explosions were from the heat bombs our old squad planted.”

Adora’s small giggle is the best thing Catra’s heard in a long while. “Oh if you think that is funny, there is an actual universe out there where I was a Magicat princess. ” 

“Wait! You were a princess! How embarrassing for you,” Adora grins, unable to resist teasing Catra about being a princess of all things.

“It was actually really nice. I had a mom, and you were there. We were very happy.” _We were in love_ goes unsaid because it’s true in every universe. An unwanted memory of Adora tumbling over the edge the tower flashes through her mind, bringing a grimace to her face. 

“Hey, what just happened? You look like you just remembered something awful.”

“Shadow Weaver. Always fucking Shadow Weaver. Always taking what I want away from me. She made me so angry, I wanted to go back in time before she was Shadow Weaver and kill her so she would never interfere in our lives again. But of course, Entrapta screwed that portal up as well, and I ended up back in the past but too late to do anything about her.”

Adora senses this new found peace could be upset very quickly by the revelation that Shadow Weaver is in Bright Moon right now. “Catra, I have to tell you. Shadow Weaver is in -”

“Bright Moon, I know. You don’t have to worry, I’m not going to let her ruin this for me.” Reaching out her hand to run a claw down the Sword of Protection, Catra continues, “The last universe I was in, I was She-Ra. It was terrifying, trying to be the hero that everyone needs. It took me forever to realize that you weren’t choosing Bow, Glimmer, the world over me. The amount of responsibility you carry is overwhelming. ”

Adora can’t handle this. Can’t handle this version of Catra. It’s everything she ever wanted, and she doesn’t know how to respond without crying so she makes a joke about how if they were together, the Horde must have crumbled beneath them.

“Well, um, you were the bad guy for a bit before you were willing to sacrifice everything to save the universe.”

“Destined to always be on opposite sides, huh?” Adora says with a traitorous tear sliding down her face.

Sliding her hand off the sword, Catra gently wipes away the silent tears cascading down Adora’s face. “Nah, this time we end this together.”

“You look out for me, and I look out for you.”

“Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other,” they finish together as it always should have been.

A plan is formed. 

Catra will take the Sword of Protection back to the Fright Zone, pretending to still be loyal. Adora will rally the Rebellion. They’ll make it to the Fright Zone. A portal will opened. A desperate confession will be made by Adora. _Can it be a confession when it’s the one truth across any universe?_ The Sword of Protection will be replaced by the tesseract. The tesseract will surge and crackle with the power of all the combined universes. The Queen will be saved. The fractured pieces of her universe will be put back into place. She’ll wake up in Dryl and with the people she loves. 

_This is how you live for her._

*  
Except Catra is not in Dryl, and the tesseract is broken.

All Entrapta said she had to do was open the portal with the tesseract, the Queen would be freed, and Catra would be back in her universe with the people she loves. She did everything right this time, and Catra is still not in Dryl, the Queen is still not free, and now, Catra has no way home. 

To make matters worse, Catra has no frame of reference for where the portal has deposited her this time. She’s never been here before, and there are no new memories to ground her to this new reality. 

All she knows is that she is on a castle balcony high above the clouds and there is a red door right in front of her. Her sensitive ears can hear the remnants of an argument emanating far below her, but her ears also pick up a more distinctive sobbing coming from the other side of the door. 

Cautiously, Catra opens the red door, hoping who ever is sobbing can help her. When the door opens, there is only time, space, and the Queen. 

Her mural in Brightmoon failed to do her justice.

There are so many things Catra needs to say. So many things she needs to ask forgiveness for. So many things. “Queen Angella, I’m so -”

As soon as she hears Catra start talking, Angella looks up in shock. It’s been such a long time since another person interacted with her. Even for an immortal, it’s felt like a lifetime since she sealed the original portal. And now Force Captain Catra, just walked through the red door, the only door in this entire castle locked to her and is apologizing. “Force Captain Catra, I’m sorry to interrupt, but did you just walk through that red door.”

Catra winces at being addressed as a Force Captain, but it makes sense, that’s what she was when she opened the portal, that’s what Angella would know her as. Her enemy. “It’s just Catra, your majesty. And yes, I just arrived here from another portal. I have been trying to stabilize the original portal, but something must have went wrong in the last universe. I’m so sorry, I have failed you.”

Catra tries to stifle the shame she feels about the tears leaking from her eyes. The inner voice that has belonged to Shadow Weaver for so long is dim, but always present.

“Catra, the door you just walked through. It’s the only door in this entire castle that I cannot open. It’s the way home. You haven’t failed me. You just saved me.” As Angella finishes speaking, she moves toward Catra to wrap her in a tight embrace. The hug releases all the control that Catra has on her emotions and her body wracks with sobs. No longer ashamed to show weakness. 

After a few minutes, Catra sobs ease and Angella gently asks, “Are you ready to go home, Catra?” 

Catra mumbles an affirmation, but as Angella moves towards the red door, Catra stops her and speaks, “I need to apologize for what I did to you. I trapped you here, I took you away from Glimmer, your kingdom, and I’m so so sorry.”

“Catra, we are both to blame for me being trapped here.”

At Catra’s shocked expression, Angella forges on, “I trapped you here,” pointing to Catra’s head, “just as much as you indirectly trapped me here. I knew about the child soldiers the Horde was raising and I did nothing. I knew the levels Light Spinner would stoop too and I did nothing. I failed you and every child the Horde abused. Let’s go home and figure out how to forgive ourselves?”

All it takes is a nod, a short walk through a red door, a small climb up on to the balcony ledge, a leap of faith, and then Catra is returned to the place where she will always remain.

When Catra awakes tomorrow in Bright Moon castle, Catra will look into Adora’s eyes, she’ll whisper ‘Hey Adora’, and the world will be reborn.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
